


I'm Only Me When I'm With You

by KazOfScotland



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, First Kiss, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Mental Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazOfScotland/pseuds/KazOfScotland
Summary: Remus knew that he was close to his friends but he hadn't realised how much he relied on them until his final two Christmas' at Hogwarts. But a Friday night beneath the stars might just show him that he has more than just a friend in Sirius, and just who his family actually is.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19
Collections: DA's Found Family - Make The Yuletide Gay





	I'm Only Me When I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [KrysKrossZee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrysKrossZee/pseuds/KrysKrossZee) in the [FoundFamilyMakeTheYuletideGay](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/FoundFamilyMakeTheYuletideGay) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> I'm Only Me When I'm With You by Taylor Swift
> 
> I love this and I will thank the amazing KrysKrossZee for coming up with this flash fest and prompt, but also for relenting to me writing WolfStar instead of Ron like ze had been encouraging me to do... I loved this and it was perfect to get back to writing for fun with. 
> 
> Thank you to Snromance for Beta reading this, and thank you to those in Dumbledore's Armada who helped with the little bits I couldn't figure out without a sounding board. 
> 
> Additionally, yes one piece of dialogue in this is from the song I'm Only Me When I'm With You by Taylor Swift. I imagine in my head that if this was set at a time when Taylor Swift's music was released, either Sirius or Remus would have sang this to the other.

It had been yet another hard full moon for Remus, made even worse by the fact he had to go through it at home. All he wanted was to be at Hogwarts with Sirius. He was fed up of hiding, of pretending, of trying to be who his parents wanted him to be. 

It happened every time he was home at the same time as the full moon occurred. He would lock himself away in the cage his Grandfather had made for him when he had first turned. But still, if anything happened on the night of the full moon, the blame was always placed on him. And that was exactly what had happened. Someone was attacked by a wild animal whilst out in the woods that surrounded the town where he had grown up. Without hesitation his father had laid the blame at his feet. 

All he wanted was to be with Sirius and James, instead of having to listen to his father rant about his apparent actions the previous night. He wanted nothing more than to break, to cry, to let the effects of the previous night out, but instead he was standing rigid under the barrage of accusations. 

Abomination. Freak. Half-breed. Soulless. Evil. 

Every one of his fathers’ insults burned, but he knew that it would only be a few hours until he was back on the train to Hogwarts, until he would be returning to his true home. He could take it. 

__________________________________  
  


Being at Hogwarts, being with his friends who understood that he wanted to prevent the risk of hurting anyone; it was the best thing in the world. He felt safe and loved, and able to just be himself. Well, as much himself as he could be while in a place with so many people there. In all honesty, even at Hogwarts he felt crazy half of the time, especially when Sirius and James were elsewhere. The craziness and inhibitions that only grew as it got closer to the full moon. Without the distraction and reassurance of Sirius or James being nearby, especially Sirius, he felt the urge to let go of his anger as it boiled up and then simmered just below the surface. He hadn’t realised that he needed his friends so much. 

Now it was difficult for him. He had been back with his best friends since the start of term and now it was the end of term. Both James and Sirius were heading off for Christmas at the Potter’s but unfortunately he wasn’t. He was stuck at Hogwarts, unwelcome at home for the holidays. He couldn’t and wouldn’t blame his friends for the fact that he had to stay, but he wished that he could be with Sirius and James so that he could feel like himself for the holiday. 

At least he wouldn’t have to deal with the insults, the hatred, and the disgust that came from going home. He knew that his father was one of those who believed that anyone who wasn’t fully human did not deserve to walk upon the same ground as anyone fully human. Remus knew that believing that made it easier for his dad to hate his own flesh and blood. But even knowing his father’s beliefs about him, Remus still wanted to be able to go home and have a fun time with his family like James and Sirius would at the Potter’s. 

It didn’t matter though, he only had another year and a half at Hogwarts. This Christmas and the next, and then he would be free from the confines of his parents and their disgust towards his kind. Yes, he would still be on his own for Christmas, but he wouldn’t be surrounded by people he could potentially hurt either, he could go wherever he wanted and no one would be able to stop him. 

__________________________________

Remus could honestly say that this was not how he expected his Christmas to turn out. He had expected it to be his last ever Christmas at Hogwarts, alone, while all of his friends were at home with their families, but he was there with them. Peter had gone home to his own family, but he, James and Sirius were at the Potters. 

James was inside with his parents, but Remus was lying on his back on the grass watching the stars and moon. Under normal circumstances he hated the moon, he hated what it could do to him, but there was no risk that night, the full moon had been and just gone and would not be back during his time at the Potters’. 

For the first time that he could remember he felt like himself. He didn’t have to worry about hurting someone or pretending to be someone he wasn’t. He was lying outside enjoying the quietness whilst Sirius lay on the grass in the back garden beside him. 

“Sirius,” he didn’t know what he was going to say, but he needed to let his best friend know what he had concluded on this quiet Friday night. All he needed in the world was Sirius. 

“Yeah, Moony?” Sirius’ voice was quieter and softer than usual, but Remus was willing to put that down to the food and family feel of the holiday with people who treated them like family. 

“I couldn’t live without you. I’m only me when I’m with you,” Remus hadn’t expected those words to ever escape from him. But the response he got was far more unexpected that he couldn’t help but freeze. 

Sirius rolled up onto his elbow and leaned across him. He should've seen where it was going, but he didn’t. And then, as if without warning, Sirius’ lips touched his. As the stars in the sky faded away, and fireworks started to go off within Remus as all of his dreams came true. 

“Same here, mate,” Sirius replied as he pulled away and laid back down to watch the stars more. 

It was winter. It was cold. And they definitely had to talk about this later, but for now, all was good. He was home. He had found his true family and this was his first ever Christmas that was full of happiness. 


End file.
